Gay or Straight
by Rashelle
Summary: When a genius act of terrorism is framed on Team Satisfaction, Jack, Crow, Kiryu, and Yusei are arrested as prime suspects. But when the four get into an argument over who's gay and who's not, Security begins to doubt that they have the real culprits. Oneshot.


**This story was originally supposed to be something serious, but something took a wrong turn, and now we've got something completely different. XD**

**I apologize if the characters seem a little OOC. This is kind of my first 5D's story.**

**And remember, June 23 is the Blackout! Don't visit the website on Saturday!**

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.**

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As the door to the holding cell slammed shut behind him, Kiryu winced. With a sigh, he turned around to find three familiar faces staring at him.

"Hey, guys," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"You, too, Kiryu?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

The blue haired man nodded. "Apparently. Any of you know what this is for?"

Crow shrugged. "All I know is that there was supposedly some genius plan that blew up one side of the Public Security Maintenance building. And the group who takes credit? They called themselves Team Satisfaction."

"Wonderful," Kiryu sighed. "We were framed."

"Well, we kind of _are_ the only people with a name like Team Satisfaction," Yusei said.

"Yeah," Jack agreed, "besides, nobody else would choose such a gay name."

Kiryu raised an eyebrow. "_I_ chose that name, Jack. Do you have a problem with it?"

Jack crossed his arms. "Yes, actually. Are you sure _you're_ not gay? I mean, you've got long hair, last I heard you were basically raising two kids, and your Dark Signer clothes? You were showing your mid-riff. God, what straight guy _does_ that? Kiryu, if there's something you haven't been telling us this whole time..."

Kiryu gritted his teeth. "I'm positive that I'm _straight_, Jack. What about YOU?"

Jack snorted. "I, Jack Atlas, am perfectly straight."

Crow let out a little cackle. "Yeah, because you sit around all day drinking tea out of a china cup and refuse to help Yusei and I work on the D-wheels."

"Speak for yourself, birdbrain. You raised a bunch kids who call you Momma Crow."

"They do not! I'm Crow nii-san! Crow-sama!"

Off in another part of the Security Bureau, Kazama sighed. He had been assigned to watch 'Team Satisfaction' in their bugged holding cell from the security cameras. He had been doubtful of Jack, Crow, and Yusei's involvement in the current mystery terrorism as it was. Now, assigned to watch them and listening for anything suspicious, he wished he could release all four of them right now. There was absolutely NO way that they were the masterminds behind the explosion in the Security Building. What evil genius has an argument over who's gay and who's straight while in a holding cell, waiting to be sentenced to the Facility?

The door behind Kazama clicked opened, and a higher-ranking officer walked in.

"Have you noticed anything suspicious, Kazama? I hear there's a lot of noise coming from their holding cell," he said.

The blue haired police shook his head. "No. And to be honest, I think they're all innocent."

The other Security member frowned. "What makes you think that, Kazama? Everything we have for evidence leads directly back to those four."

"Well, for starters, right now they're arguing over who's gay and who's straight."

The other officer raised an eyebrow and picked up the headphone set. "Are you trying to pull my chain, Kazama?"

"No, sir, just listen for yourself."

"—and I have countless fangirls! How could I possibly be gay?" Jack growled.

"Oh yeah, and how many of them have you gone out with?" Crow shot back.

"I-GAH! When I beat Carly when she was a Dark Signer she hugged me, and I hugged back!" Jack said smugly.

"So you DO like her?" Crow teased.

"I never said that!" Jack yelled in frustration.

"Because you're actually gay!" Kiryu laughed.

"No, how many times do I have to bloody say it? I'm _straight_!"

"Riiiight..."

"Well, then what about Yusei!" Jack blurted, trying to get rid of the attention.

"Huh?" Yusei said, startled. "Oh...don't bring _me_ into this argument."

"Why not? If you're straight you'll have no problem proving it."

"Well, he _did_ go on that date with Aki," Crow said, trying to defend his poor friend.

"It wasn't a date!" Yusei said quickly, blushing.

Crow sighed. Yusei just screwed himself over...

"I'm sure it wasn't," Jack said with an evil-looking grin. "It must have just been a cover-up for your true intentions! Would you like to come out of the closet, Yusei?"

Yusei sighed. "I'm 100% straight, Jack."

Kiryu made a noise in the back of his throat. "Are you sure, Yusei? That time you held me when I was about to die as a Dark Signer was definitely a lot less than straight."

"Kiryu, you were about to _die_," Yusei argued. I'm pretty sure anyone would be doing the same thing."

"No, Yusei, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't. And I saw you crying from the Netherworld. Don't deny it. You looove me."

"We're like _brothers_, that's just _wrong_," Yusei said, scrunching up his nose.

"Yes, but brothers are definitely not supposed to touch each other like that," Kiryu said calmly.

Back in the security room, the unnamed police tore off the headphone set. "Oh god, I've had enough."

Kazama chuckled. If the four kept this up, they would be released in no time. As the other officer fled the room and slammed the door shut behind him, Kazama turned back to the screen to see a prison guard poking his head into the holding cell, looking rather pissed off.

"What the hell are you idiots going on about in here?"

"Tell me these guys are definitely not straight!" Jack shouted pointing at his companions.

The guard switched his gaze to the blue haired man, then the ginger, and the raven haired man. Then, without answering Jack, said, "You all better shut up unless you'd like to be off to the Facility extra early." And then he slammed the door shut.

"Ha!" Jack shouted. "Even _he_ could tell you're all gay!"

"What? He didn't even say anything!" Kiryu yelled back.

"Oh, he didn't have to say anything. It was written all over his face," Jack said smugly.

Crow shook his head. "Yeah, but he was definitely looking at you, Jack."

"What!" Jack exclaimed.

"Of course," Kiryu said, trying to play off Crow's words. "Have you ever even looked on the Internet for all the yaoi your fans write of you?"

Jack froze. "...What?"

Crow nodded vigorously. "Especially with Yusei. Your fangirls call it Kingcrab shipping."

Yusei looked on with horror. "They do _what_?"

"Mmhmm," Kiryu said, nodding seriously. "King because of Jack and Crab because of Yusei's hair."

Yusei frowned. "My hair doesn't look like a crab..."

"Yes, it does," Crow said, tilting his head to look at his friend's hair.

Jack snorted. "Speak for yourself, Crow. Your hair looks like a giant orange porcupine."

"WHAT?" Crow screamed.

Kiryu nodded. "It _does_..."

"It does not!"

As the other three launched into yet another argument about hair, Yusei sighed. He honestly wondered why Security even arrested them. After THIS display of maturity? It was probably enough to get them all released on the spot.

As if on cue, the door reopened and the same guard appeared. The three took a temporary break to stare at him. With a growl, the guard said, "All of you get outta here. You're being released as innocent."

"Really?" Crow asked with surprise.

"Yeah, now get out," the guard said gruffly.

Without further prompting, former Team Satisfaction sprang out of their holding cell.

"What made them decide to release us?" Kiryu asked. "I thought we were the prime suspects."

"Yeah, well," the guard said, "They looked into some stuff, and the realized that there was no way you idiots couldda done it."

"I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment," Yusei muttered.

"Anywho," the guard went on, "get out. You're not under our custody anymore."

And with that, the four walked out of the Public Security Maintenance Bureau without a second thought on the matter, still arguing whether or not Yusei's hair looked like a crab.


End file.
